My Almost Lover
by kiyah corruption
Summary: Bella Swan expresses her thoughts and love for Jacob Black in a song. Oneshot. Songfic. Please enjoy.


**I wanted to be in Bella's shoes and experience  
what she goes through when she thinks about  
her lost love, Jacob Black.  
I think this song is absolutely perfect for the  
situation. Please enjoy.**  
**  
ONE-SHOT.**

* * *

  
BELLA SWAN:

My heart aches for my other half; for my best friend. I didn't know how to heal the part of myself that denied him the love he deserved. I had chosen Edward Cullen, my true love, over my best friend whom I also loved very dearly. I walked into Forks High's hallways for old-time's sake, and much to my surprise, I saw a poster.

**TALENT SHOW FOR OLD STUDENTS.  
**_  
Yes, that's right old students! This is your chance  
to prove yourself worthy; to get a chance at fame  
that you never had in your previous years here.  
All you have to do is show up with some talent  
on your back!_

_Good Luck!_

_Sincerely,  
The Principal_

This was the most perfect opportunity in the world. I would sing---not just for anyone, but for Jacob Black. The boy who saved me.

I flexed my fingers as I heard my name called upon the stage, "Bella Swan!" exclaimed the announcer. I walked on stage, and that's when the applause started. I blushed, the red creeping into my cheeks. "Miss Swan will be performing a song for us today with the company of a piano! Beautiful, beautiful. It says here this song is dedicated to 'a friend.' Very well. Miss Swan, if you will," he said, gesturing to the bench of the piano.

Taking several deep breaths while taking place at the piano, I thought of my reason for doing this. I thought of who I really dedicated the song to...

And then...I played my heart out.

_Your fingertips against my skin_  
Oh, how Jacob's temperature of so much warmth always filled me up inside.  
I missed and longed for his touch more than anything else.  
_The palm trees swaying in the wind in my chase  
You sang me Spanish lullabies  
The sweetest sadness in your eyes  
Clever trick_  
I thought of the day that I confessed my love to him.  
The way our lips molded against each other's...  
They day I finally opened my eyes and opened up to him.  
The sadness that filled us both when he was hurt because of me and my actions.  
_  
I never wanna see you unhappy  
I thought you want the same for me_  
Jacob never wanted me to be with Edward. He wanted me to choose him...  
And I didn't. I hurt him beyond measure. I hurt him so terribly.  
I hurt him so fiercely that words cannot express how he's feeling right now...  
_Goodbye my almost lover  
Goodbye my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?_  
He always tried more than enough to get my attention...  
The way he never faultered to take my cold hands and warm them up in his burning hot ones. _  
So long my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you_  
If I went back to him, I would only be hurting him even more.  
All I ever wanted for Jacob was happiness, and now he can never have it..._  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do_

_We walked along a crowded street  
You took my hand and danced with me  
In the shade  
And when you left you kissed my lips  
You told me you'd never ever forget these images  
No_  
I knew for a fact he'd never ever forget that kiss we shared the day after we spent in the tent.  
I knew that I, myself, would never forget it. And knowing this just made my pain that much more unbearable.

_I'd never wanna see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me_  
Jacob did want me to be happy, but not for the right reasons.  
He wanted to be with me, but I couldn't live without Edward. I knew that for a fact._  
Goodbye my almost lover  
Goodbye my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do_  
_  
I cannot go to the ocean_  
The ocean reminds me far too much of Jacob.  
The endless days and nights we would spend there together...  
The very place he saved me when I jumped off that cliff.  
Nothing would ever be the same between us.  
_I cannot try the streets at night  
I cannot wake up in the morning  
Without you on my mind  
So you're gonna and I'm haunted  
And I bet you are just fine__  
_Jacob is a strong man. He would do just fine without me...  
But I would miss him quite terribly.  
It would ache in my bones and haunt my memory forever knowing that I treasured him, then threw him away...  
_I'll make it there  
You walk right in and out of my life_  
'Why Jacob?' I'm asking myself. 'Why did you have to sweep me off my feet and make me feel so human again?'  
'Why do you appeal to me so much? Why do you I have to hurt you to get what I want? I'm oh so sorry...'  
_  
Goodbye my almost lover_  
'Almost' seemed to be the key word at this point.  
Because after I'm changed into a vampire, I can't go back.  
But I know part of me will want to...  
Part of me will want to be with Jacob forever._  
Goodbye my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long my luckless romance_  
He always tried so hard to make me fancy him from the beginning.  
I never pictured him that way, though. Not until I really forced myself to.  
I was constantly struggling with my mind; I was trying to constantly tell  
myself that my feelings for him were nothing but strict family-like._  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache_  
I was wrong. I loved him all along..._  
Almost lovers always do_  
I am truly sorry that I ever hurt you, love. I'm sorry I did this to you.  
I promise you, Jacob Black, that I will never stop loving you._  
_

I heard applause coming from every corner of the auditorium. I continued to blush, faking a small smile, and posing for several camera shots. I was proud I did this for Jacob.

If he were here, he would have known that this was for him... That I never had any intention of hurting him; that my heart really did ache for him, for his love.

I heard my name being shouted in a blur, "Bella Swan singing 'Almost Lover'!" I spun around, and sure enough, I had won the competition. Blushing even more furiously, I accepted the trophy (which was utterly and completely unnecessary), and walked as fast as I could to my car in the parking lot.

I threw my trophy into the passenger's side, weeping with sorrow. That song really opened my eyes to how I truly felt about Jacob. Hurting him was something I would never forgive myself for...

I was about to get into the drivers seat when I felt someone hug me from behind. Curious, I spun around, and saw the one person I least expected...

"That was beautiful," he whispered, still hugging me tightly. "Thank you."

"Only for you, Jacob," I whispered softly. "Only for you..."

* * *

**Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy.  
It's quite beautiful.  
Please review.**


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